I recently met someone at one of my friends parties. I think the first thing that caught my attention was either her bubbly personality, or her Lady Gaga T. Looking more closely, she is absolutely beautiful and has this laugh that makes everyone around her laugh too.
Isn’t it remarkable how much our first impressions of people reflect reality? I didn’t know her name, but I had a general idea of the kind of person she is. And when it comes down to that person’s reality, I can be very picky.
I haven’t paid too much attention to meeting people since my last relationship that ended two years ago, or so. But this time, I wasn’t thinking about it, and she surprised me. I figure that giving it a try– and actually putting effort into meeting her– is worth it.
I went through the motions: introduced myself at the party, added her on facebook, messaged her, asked for her phone number, and texted her. But the texting part, that was so awkward. I remember having to have an actual phone conversation with someone I liked. Now, you can just shoot them a text and take your time responding to their texts and think about what you want to say before you say it and I think that all of that is absolutely terrible.
I won’t lie, I do text as often as any other student in my last Linguistics class at the U of A. It can be very convenient. But initiating conversation with someone who you are interested in getting to know is one of those things that is difficult, but it is prudent to have an audio dialogue. You get to know the person in a more raw fashion. It is vulnerable. And respectable, in my opinion.
Doing all of that was kinda intimidating for me. But having done it, I have now acquainted with someone new. Puts a little pep in my step. In life, you gotta change it up. However, now I have hit a wall. Because we are texting, rather, I was texting her. I decided it’s better not to lift a finger in the beginning. Old habits die hard, and this one is like a sinking rock.
So here are some dating tips (just a few) that I will let you in on. Hopefully, I will be encouraged to take my own advice.
1. Initiate conversation over the phone. (see above)
2. Ask personal questions to get personal answers, rather than discussing Irish Pole-Vaulting.
3. A movie may be a good ice-breaker for the first date, but surely not for the second. Pay attention. You have to talk in order to learn about someone.
4. Get excited, but not over-the-top. Yay, you have found someone to put interest in. But don’t get clingy. Think about it. This is the first step and there hasn’t been enough time to be attached.
5. Maintain perspective. Sometimes you may be closer than you appear, and a birds eye view may look differently.
6. Don’t hide things from that person. Just tell them. They are going to find out. It will have just as much of an impact on your relationship either way if there is an issue. Get it out of the way.
7. Let them get to know you. Hogging the conversation is not good, but don’t be curt with them. Think about what you want to say. It may force you to evaluate yourself. P.S. Don’t talk about the Xs.
8. Stand your ground. Don’t conform to your perception of what they want you to be. Be yourself.
9. Don’t send them dirty things to get their attention. Unless that is what you want, which would definitely not be me, be classy. Not tacky.
10. As I always say, have fun! This is life. Live it.
∼Mary
Tony Ray Baker
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Tony Ray
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